It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
