the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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