Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
