Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
