We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
