the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
