Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
