I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
