jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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