I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize