I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
