Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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