I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i may or may not be watching the land before time
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
