so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
