so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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