You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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