Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize