matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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