I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so explain again why im purple
no
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
