Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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