How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
