They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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