I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
