Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
