i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
