East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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