So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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