ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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