ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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