If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
