Can i not drive my cunt home
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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