I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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