Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
