She said her name was "party"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
