the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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