If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
