So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
