Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
