Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
