Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will be naked everywhere
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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