just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
