make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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