She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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