Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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