Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
