I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
