He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
