TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize