I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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