I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
