i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
