I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
