Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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