if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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