I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is the high leading the old right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
