just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
