Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
