Cold hands, warm shart.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
