If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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