First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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