anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
