Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
