Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
false alarm. still invincible.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize