Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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